


To Be Truly Seen

by TheKnitterati



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Attraction, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, Insecurity, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, M/M, Prompt Fill, Self-Esteem Issues, Tumblr Prompt, Tumblr: kyluxsoftkinks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-03-01 13:29:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13295868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheKnitterati/pseuds/TheKnitterati
Summary: Prompt fromSoft Kylux Kinks:Kylo wears a helmet because he's extremely anxious about his appearance and thinks he's hideous. Hux finally figures this out and soothes him through a panic attack.Excerpt:Ren’s chest was rising and falling, but he was not answering. Hux feared he was not conscious. He'd need to get that blasted bucket off him to see if he had head injuries as well. He lifted his hands and began feeling for the release latches.“Don't.” Ren feebly raised a hand and pushed at Hux.“Ren. You have been hurt, this has to come off so I can ascertain if you have a concussion or something worse. Not to mention that I imagine you will breathe more comfortably without it.”Ren floundered for an explanation.“I…I am never seen without my helmet.”





	To Be Truly Seen

**Author's Note:**

> To the Nonny who sent the lovely prompt - I went a bit off script with it, I hope you enjoy it regardless!

There was not much detail in the intel. It merely confirmed that the Resistance had been planting sleeper agents aboard First Order ships, with the intent of initiating surprise strikes from within, and to be cautious. Hux scowled at the encoded transmission before deleting it, per protocol. 

“Nearly 75,000 souls on board, and all this tells me is that **someone** might be a Resistance agent, ready to strike. That narrows it down considerably.” It was frustrating to be desperate to protect his vessel, his crew, yet have so little information to go on. 

There had been an attack onboard the _Harbinger_ a week prior. The rebel scum had wired themselves with explosives then gone into the mess hall during a peak midday meal time. Two dozen techs and officers, as well as eight Stormtroopers, had lost their lives. 

Hux was absolutely determined that this was not going to happen on the _Finalizer_. He was smarter and more driven than anyone else in the First Order command structure; he would not make the same mistakes. There would be no victory for the Resistance on his ship, he would see to it. 

Grabbing his datapad, he began issuing orders: reviews of all new personnel by tenured senior officers; increased inspections of all munitions depots including cross-checks of inventory versus log files; random personnel inspections to check for unauthorized weaponry; put all new Stormtroopers through a round of reconditioning as a precautionary measure. 

It wasn't enough. He had to do more, if only for his own peace of mind. He would not lose crew members due to his own lack of critical thinking; that would be intolerable. 

Hux tossed back the remainder of the scotch that was in his glass and stared around his quarters, thinking. Alone with his thoughts, they drifted to his co-commander, Kylo Ren. A destination he found his mind wandering to more and more of late.

The frustrating man-child still vexed Hux on a regular basis, but he had to admit it had gotten better. They were working together much more smoothly to the point where Hux had started to notice things. Like how large Ren’s hands were. How close he stood sometimes, when they were on the bridge together. The way he occasionally seemed so eager to do Hux’s bidding. It was rare, but it made a warmth bloom in Hux’s belly that was not entirely professional. 

“What the stars are you even thinking? Stop behaving like you are attracted to the ox. You have a problem to solve,” Hux verbally chastised himself. 

Then it dawned on him: Ren might be the answer. Perhaps he could use the Force to determine if there was a Resistance agent onboard the _Finalizer_ or whether there was a threat to the ship.

It was too late with speak to him tonight, it would have to wait till morning. Hopefully, Ren was up to the challenge and could help.  
_________________________

 

Hux sighed and slumped against the nearby data console. They had checked most of the hangar bay and found nothing. Ren had seemed so certain this was where the strike was planned. It made sense, since the location of this particular hangar could tear open the whole side of the _Finalizer_ if blown properly and expose it - and anyone inside - to the vacuum of space. Given that this shuttle bay was often used for high ranking First Order transports, it was also a decent strategic choice. 

“Ren. We have gone over this entire bay. Are you quite certain this is the place?” 

“If you doubt my abilities so, why did you ask for my help?” the knight shot back.

“Oh, for stars sake…I am not doubting your abilities, merely the level of refinement they possess. We are here, but we’ve found nothing. I want to neutralize the threat but we do have to find it first, and that part is not going terribly well at the moment.” 

Ren was ignoring him now, standing stock still, using the Force in what was likely an attempt to hone in on the location of whatever form this attack might take. Hux watched him, taking the opportunity to admire the flex of his broad shoulders as he turned slightly, tuning in to something.

“There - “ Ren’s hand shot out to the side, and pointed at a support column that was immediately to their right. Hux and Ren turned their heads in unison.

By the time they spotted the red flashing LED of the pyro denton, it was far too late. Ren thrust a hand out and Force-pried the charge off the stanchion to fling it away from them. It made it mere yards before detonating. 

As the blast flung Hux backward like a weightless toy, he had the absurd thought that the custom-styled panels of the data console would be impossible to replace in a timely manner. Then he hit the ground and everything went dark.

_________________________

The klaxon was so loud that Hux felt as if his skull might come apart. From a command perspective his mind was already praising how effective the alarms were - at this volume, they could not be missed. Being the one going deaf from it while trapped in a destroyed shuttle bay was harder to appreciate, however.

He lay still for a moment, taking stock of himself. He was flat on his back and he could certainly benefit from a morph-tab for his headache, but he seemed to be intact. Pushing himself up onto his arms, Hux glanced around to assess the damage. He could breathe, so it seemed the ship’s hull had not been sundered. He also could not see any fires, which was a boon.

A puddle of black cloth caught his eye. Ren.

He crawled to the knight’s side, where he was partially pinned beneath a pile of collapsed masonry. A metal support strut had pierced Ren’s side, and blood was seeping onto the floor. 

“Can you hear me, Ren?” Hux was running his hands over the debris, wondering if he could possibly shift it alone. “Ren? Are you awake?” 

Ren’s chest was rising and falling, but he was not answering. Hux feared he was not conscious. He'd need to get that blasted bucket off him to see if he had head injuries as well. He lifted his hands and began feeling for the release latches.

“Don't.” Ren feebly raised a hand and pushed at Hux. 

“Ren. You have been hurt; this has to come off so I can ascertain if you’ve sustained a concussion or something worse. Not to mention that I imagine you will breathe more comfortably without it.” 

Ren floundered for an explanation. “I…I am never seen without my helmet.”

“Indeed. I’ve noticed. Even I, your co-commander, am not granted the privilege of looking you in the eye when we converse. I wonder, Ren…do you remove it when you use the sonic in your refresher? Be sensible and let me get this off.” He reached forward again.

Hux found his hands suddenly immobilized as if they were held in a vise. It wasn't painful, but he couldn't move so much as a fingertip. 

“This is how you are going to use your Force gifts? Now? There is a portion of the kriffing ceiling atop you, Ren. Why not use the Force to move that, rather than to prevent me from removing your mask to see if you’re hurt?” 

Ren’s voice was raspy, evidence of his pain. “If I release your hands, will you let me explain?” 

“If you help me get this rubble off you first. You can use your gift to raise it so I can pull you from beneath. Then you can explain while I see if your legs have been crushed, hmmmm?” 

There was no reply, but Ren’s hands twitched. He groaned, and the crumbled column trembled and raised a scant few inches. Hux was ready and gripped Ren’s robes, tugging hard as he pulled him free from beneath the collapsed support. 

Hux carefully felt up and down the knight’s legs, pretending not to notice how Ren trembled under his touch. Ren’s thighs were deliciously muscled, it was difficult to resist the urge to continue touching… Hux cleared his throat and pulled back.

“I'm not sure how it's possible, but nothing seems broken. Can you move your legs?” Hux asked. 

Ren bent his knees and shifted, grunting as the metal strut in his side moved and more blood dribbled out. He had propped himself onto his elbow and the exertion seemed to be taking a toll.

“Okay, enough; no more moving. Luck was on our side; somehow, you seem intact. I’ll have to stop that bleeding though, and I am quite sure I should not remove that strut until I have proper supplies at hand. Now will you explain why I shouldn't yank that bucket off your head?” 

Ren’s sigh sounded strange through his vocoder. He turned away from Hux before continuing.

“My face is…that is to say, I am not comfortable…” Ren hesitated, his chin tipping down, as if he was folding in on himself. “This is difficult. My appearance. I am…not an attractive person. I have become aware that concealing my face…makes it easier. It seems dealing with a masked Force user is preferable to one with unappealing features.” 

Hux’s eyebrows had climbed high onto his forehead as Ren spoke. He knew Ren could sense his thoughts, so he was trying very hard not to envision his worst nightmares of an offspring between an Aqualish and an Ithorian. Frankly he wasn’t even sure that was possible but he certainly did not want to discover if it was.

“I see. Still, given the circumstances we are in and that you’ve prepared me… I think you should let me have a look to make sure you have not done further damage to whatever you have under there. I can assure you, I've spent plenty of time on the battlefield and have seen some hideous things in my day. I can take it.” 

“Perhaps. Perhaps _I_ cannot ‘take it’. I am accustomed to how I am treated when masked, and the notion of removing it is not a thing I take lightly.” The tension in Ren’s voice was coming through even with the ridiculous vocoder affecting it.

With a sigh, Hux tilted his head to one side in acknowledgement.

“Logical. I do understand. Please note that we are allies, Ren. It has not been an easy road; there is no point in denying the truth of that. Despite this, we have learned to work well together. Our accomplishments are praised by Supreme Leader. We may not be friends, but we are certainly respected colleagues. With that in mind, and with the fact that we have both used each other’s talents to help bolster our own successes, know that I would not jeopardize our… relationship… over anything so petty as the opportunity to mock someone’s physical appearance. So I am asking once more - let me remove the helmet.” 

Though he could tell Ren was still unsure, Hux slowly reached forward, and felt for the release. Ren raised a gloved hand, placed it atop Hux’s, and guided him to the latch. They triggered it together, and Hux lifted the black helmet up and away…and laid eyes on Kylo Ren for the first time. 

Waves of dark hair fell to his shoulders, contrasting with his softly pale skin which was dotted with beauty marks. His nose was long, his lips full and plush. 

It was Ren’s eyes that made Hux’s heart stutter in his chest. They were wide, and a deep liquid amber that felt warm like a blanket had been placed around Hux’s shoulders. And so soft, and gentle… not at all what Hux had expected given the knight’s propensity for acting out violently. Ren blinked slowly, uncertainty telegraphed in every sweep of his lashes. 

Hux released the breath he had been holding. This was no hideous, deformed creature. Kylo Ren was…stunning. 

“Well,” his voice cracked, humiliatingly. He coughed, then tried again. “Well, Lord Ren, how pleasant to actually see you at last.” 

“Don’t call me that. Ren has been serving just fine.” 

Hux gave a nod. “Fair enough. I'd like to check for signs of a concussion. Don't sit up; this is fine, if you can stay that way.” 

Taking care to avoid the metal spike jutting out from the knight’s side, Hux slipped close. 

“I am going to touch you, I have to examine your scalp for lacerations and I will need to check your pupillary response as well. Ready?” 

A quiet exhale followed by a short nod was all the answer he received.

Hoping his hands were not visibly shaking, Hux smoothed Ren’s hair. _Kriffing hell its so soft_ , his thoughts came, unbidden. _I never want to stop touching it._

Hux set his lips into a tight line and continued to finger comb through Ren’s locks. He kept at it as long as he dared, toeing the line between checking thoroughly and violating Ren’s personal boundaries entirely. He couldn't see any broken skin—the helmet did seem to be good at protecting him, at least. He pulled back to look into those intense brown eyes again. 

“I don't see any head wounds. How is your vision?” He ran through a few of the basic field medic tests he had learned, and it soon became apparent that the only injury of note was the unfortunate protrusion in Ren’s side. Hux remained unsure how to resolve that currently. 

“I won't go to MedBay, you know.” Ren spoke, looking away. 

“Ren, you must. This puncture, it could be very-“

The wounded knight cut him off, sharply shaking his head. 

“You know they won't treat me without demanding I stay…uncovered. I can’t. You don't know what it's like to feel…like you shouldn't inflict yourself on others. Being exposed feels like I am slowly burning and can't do anything to stop the flames. Like everyone who sees me is cataloging every flaw, every difference, every weakness.” Ren swallowed and gazed up toward what had been the ceiling. “It's torture.”

It was sobering to hear a powerful Force user who could kill with a simple flick of his hand speak of himself like a self-conscious teenager with bad skin and dental appliances. Hux found it extra perplexing given that Ren was genuinely attractive. Yes, some of his features were a little unusual. The ears were quite pronounced, for one thing, but the lush waves of his hair did a wonderful job concealing them. 

Hux blinked, drawing himself out of his pointless reverie. There was a problem to solve. And fast - the klaxons had stopped, which meant that the rescue and retrieval teams were very near. A decision had to be made quickly. 

“Here is my offer. I'm making it only once, so listen closely. You will put that infernal bucket back on. When the team comes in, I will have you taken via gravstretcher back to my quarters; it’s closer than MedBay anyway. I'll get a medi-droid to see to your wound, and then you will stay put, under my personal care and follow my instructions until you have recovered. I'll bring the droid back if the need arises, but otherwise I will remain the sole being onboard who has seen you unmasked. Do we have an accord?” 

The blood loss may have been taking a toll; Ren looked paler than ever as he nodded slowly. Hux helped him back into his helmet and eased him back onto the ground. They could hear the crew shifting the debris of the collapsed portions of the shuttle bay. It would be only moments before help arrived. 

“Hux?” Ren’s voice was quiet, as if he was unsure he wanted to be heard. “I appreciate your understanding. I won’t forget it. I…”. 

Hux turned to hear the rest of the comment, and realized Ren had finally succumbed and lost consciousness.

_________________________

Ren awoke and found himself cocooned in soft charcoal grey sheets, in a room that was not his own. It seemed Hux had made good on his promise to have him convalesce in his private quarters. 

The wound in his side ached, and his head throbbed painfully in time with his heartbeat. Gently moving his hand over his body, he felt the compression bandage and bacta pads wrapped around his torso. His upper half was bare but he had his leggings still on. He brought a hand up to cover his eyes, and the full realization that he was without his helmet washed over him, bringing with it a wave of nausea. A small strangled sound escaped him as he stifled the urge to vomit all over the comfortable bed. 

From the corner of his eye, he caught a brief flurry of motion. Hux had risen from a chair nearby and was at his side immediately. A cool palm gently landed on Ren’s brow, then stroked almost tenderly down his cheek. 

“Are you alright? Sounds like perhaps some pain killers would be in order.” Ren could swear he heard concern in his co-commander’s voice, and wondered if he was concussed after all. 

“Pain focuses the mind, chemicals dull it.” Ren gasped out, fighting another rising wave of nausea. 

Hux raised one ginger eyebrow, his lips pursed. 

“Maybe so, Ren, but right now your pain is about to cause a catastrophe in my sheets and you are as colorless as the snowdunes of Hoth. You need relief and rest, and I do believe pain killers are in your best interest.” 

Ren squirmed. He still felt so exposed. Vulnerable. Not only was he injured and weakened, but he felt naked. He could feel his eyes welling up, a much hated facet of his sensitive nature. Without his helmet or his robes - the garments that bolstered his appearance of power - his castle walls that shielded and protected him - he was, in a word, frightened. He took a deep breath, trying to center himself. 

“I understand your reluctance, but I assure you that I will allow no harm to befall you. I have committed myself to your care and I will see it done properly, despite your stubbornness. Now, I really must insist you take something for the pain.” Hux was holding out a syringe, as if offering it for inspection. 

Giving a resigned nod, Ren agreed. The needle slipped in, the plunger depressed, and almost immediately the sharp edges of Ren’s pain softened. He could not suppress the sigh of relief that escaped him. His eyes drifted closed.

He awoke again some time later to find fingers gently carding through his dark hair. Unable to resist, he turned into the touch, his lips softly curving to a smile. He opened his eyes slowly, drowsily looking up at Hux. 

Hux had his data pad in his left hand, reading, as his right hand stroked Ren’s hair. He stopped to twirl an inky curl around his finger, then let it slip slowly from his hand, only to begin stroking again. 

Ren was loathe to speak for fear Hux would stop. The ache of his injuries was a constant but mild presence at the moment, and the soothing feeling of Hux caressing his scalp was keeping his anxiety at bay. For now Ren felt peace.

The light scratch of fingernails down his nape coaxed a quiet moan from his lips, and Hux smiled into his datapad.

“Feeling less like despoiling my sheets with your stomach contents?” Hux asked. 

Ren snorted. “I can’t actually recall the last time I ate, now that I think about it.” 

“Mmm. Must be recovering rapidly, since your first thought is ‘feed me’. Pathetic, Ren.” Hux’s voice was almost playful as his fingers continued their slow slide through his hair. 

Ren reached out, his index finger worrying at a dark spot on the side of Hux’s trousers. As he scratched at the stain, he realized it was very likely his own blood spattered on his General’s clothing. 

“I got blood on you.” 

Hux peered down at the spot and shrugged. 

“I’ve had worse, I assure you.” He looked over at Ren, then glanced away again. “Are you becoming more comfortable being unmasked in my presence?” 

Ren’s left shoulder lifted, dropped. 

“You didn’t leave me in the hangar. You kept your promise to take care of me here. And you do not seem to be repelled by me. So… I guess?” 

Hux laughed. A full, deep sound from his belly. Ren nearly jumped from surprise; he had never heard his co-commander sounding light hearted before. Their time together was so often spent in pursuit of military objectives, or at loggerheads over whose approach to things was better, that there had never been an opportunity for trying to pull a laugh or smile from one another. 

“Well. You do still repel me a bit; I’ve seen the state of your quarters, after all, truly disgusting. Oh, and I have smelled you after you’ve been in battle. Ugh.” He chuckled again. “But no, your appearance does not repel me. Rather… the opposite, in fact.” 

Ren heard Hux draw in a deep breath.

“You should know you are strikingly beautiful, Ren.” Hux’s fingers continued to slip through Ren’s hair, as if this was all very much an everyday occurrence. It felt as if it was tethering them together somehow, in the most intimate way. “Whatever lead you to believe otherwise was purely lies and has done you a great disservice. You have been laboring under an illusion that your appearance should shame you, that it makes you unworthy, and it is far from the truth.” 

Hux turned his beryl green eyes to his patient, as he let his fingertips trail slowly over Ren’s ear. A pale pink flush ran from his throat up over his cheeks, and as he gazed at Ren, his tongue crept out to moisten his lips. 

“It is, of course, your choice to make, should you choose to continue wearing your mask. Just do not do so from the false belief that there is something wrong about your appearance, that there is something you should hide. You…”

Hux let go a sigh, his fingers now slipping along Ren’s jaw, oh so gently. 

“You have a look of strength. Of power. I know how difficult it was for you to reveal yourself to me. I respect that courage. I need you to know that even if you insist on hiding away again, I will be unable to forget what you truly conceal beneath that bucket.”

Ren’s breath caught in his chest. He had never heard anyone speak this way before, and certainly not about him. With his eyes locked on Hux’s, he tipped his chin so Hux’s thumb slid from his jaw to his lips, where Ren pressed a kiss against it. 

The tiniest of gasps slipped from Hux, then he bent forward and placed a soft kiss on Ren’s brow. Then his nose. And finally, ever so cautiously, he kissed Ren’s lips. 

Everything in Ren’s world had reduced to one thing: Hux. The feel of his lips, the scent of his pomade, the touch of his hand still resting on Ren’s cheek. 

The kiss broke and Ren rested his forehead against Hux’s, a gentle smile playing on his lips. For the first time he knew how it felt to be truly seen.

**Author's Note:**

> Now there is [ART](https://theknitterati.tumblr.com/post/176896357731/behold-i-commissioned-theearlgreyalpha-to-do) for this fic! [ TheEarlGreyAlpha](http://theearlgreyalpha.tumblr.com/) did a beautiful piece for me. 
> 
> All the thanks in the world to [Nerdherderette](http://nerdherderette.tumblr.com/) for her invaluable input and support. Also for correcting my deranged sentence structure and punctuation resulting from sleep deprived writing. Any sloppiness remaining is all on me. You are a hero.
> 
> I'm on Tumblr so come say hi [TheKnitterati](http://theknitterati.tumblr.com/)


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